Narcissus a bit

So, first to what's going on. I'm painting a lot, and I'm finishing up watching the first batch of videos for the Columbus International Film+Video festival (for those who don't recall I'm one of the judges for the arts division this year). Some are really good and I think you'll really enjoy them, & some kinda make me want to die a little. Regardless I think once the festival rolls out it'll be worth checking out. More on that later.

Not much else going on. I'm just making art and getting ready for the Fort Hayes Alumni show deadline in August (hey do you like the logo? I did that). By the way, I will be going down to Fort Myers Florida in the middle next month briefly to visit family. Just a long weekend but it'll be good.

So here's a footnote for you. I used to take part in forums a lot more often than I do now, and when I did that I used to just write stuff. I wouldn't call it poetry, or stories, or... anything, but people after a time seemed to like it and I did get something out of it... sense of satisfaction I suppose. I've been thinking about getting back into doing that to help explore my creativity. I have a constant dialog in my head, and sometimes I think it's worth writing down, but then I don't. This kind of writing I admit is completely masturbatory, and self indulgent, doubly so because I know if I don't publicly post what I write I won't do it in the first place. It's narcissistic, I'll be the first to say so, but that won't and has never really stopped me. This need to share what I create is a big part of what makes me an artist I guess. Besides, I guess I got some stuff to say and too many people feel that way and don't. Since I know I can and will, I suppose I should. Why not, right?

Anyway, so I'm gonna occasionally post some of that crap here... because where else am I going to do it? Maybe later I'll take the stuff I like and make a book out of it with little illustrative comments or something. We will see.

So what I have right now is a kind of short story and a poem...

Williams Canyon

They giggled like doves together. She said ‘come to Williams Canyon with us tonight!’. I followed them both as they held hands before me, She with her impossible beauty and her internal damage, he with his rough leanness and his simple thoughts. I plodded slowly behind, watching them, listening. The small town we lived in fell away to a dirt road, and the rocks that would have been tan or red began to arc up on either side.

We come to a sign, “DO NOT ENTER” which we ignore as children do. What was left to is was a road long since abandoned, the memory of a creek, and the canyon walls climbing ever higher. We continued on, at times I lost sight of my guides. They were too busy with each other, trying to impress the other with stories or wry jokes, they seemed innocent, but so was I, and I knew it.

Eventually whatever road was left was gone, giving way to gravel and scrub oak. I picked my way through the rocks, slowly climbing till we reached the end. A waterfall trickled down to a small pool below us, and my friends slipped away to attend to the flirtations natural evolution for a moment. Leaving me to contemplate, I turned to see where I came from.

I have never seen a moon like this. She hung low in the sky, large yellow and full. Mountains framed her, the winking lights of Manitou decorated the dark base. I wanted to ask it everything, what was I supposed to be doing, why was I in this foreign place, what will happen next? There was no sign, no answer. Stars didn’t shoot across the sky, no animal revealed itself, it was just the scene before me and myself alone to contemplate it for that one brief moment in time.

The couple emerged dusty after beating against each other. We made our way home much as we came, but I felt like I had an answer no matter how undefined. All I could do is go forward, in the moment.

Surgery

A constant dissection running through my mind
Pulling you open with my mouth, teeth, tongue.
Flaying you, spreading you open.
Rendering you helpless.

Humility and shame will not protect you
Bodies clothe expression
Lay aside fear
This won’t hurt much, I promise.

After your assembly
When I have seen what I have recreated
I will whisper silently
Do it to me.

Here's something somewhat local to me, Roger Drawdy and the Firestarters performing Hallowed Ground (music starts at :25, -shrug-)

just working

Nothing very exciting to report right now. I've been working on my stuff, and trying to keep to keep drama down. The thumbnail is a rough draft for a painting I am working on. I think my scanner has been going buggy and is about to die because I should be getting better scans than that. Ah well. Technology joy.

A friend of mine and I went to the Cleveland Museum of Art yesterday. Heard much about it, and it was pretty sweet however it's still under construction so their full collection still isn't out. So yeah that was inspiring for me. Driving around Cleveland, you can tell it's a place that once had money, but half of everything is falling apart. You have this row of gorgeous churches in what was once a decent neighborhood next to a crappy looking McDonalds, and a Dollar General. Also there was much leaning of porches and sagging of roofs. Sign of the times I suppose.

Here is Porcupine Tree - Time Flies

In the still of the night.

These past couple weeks have been quiet, which is what I really needed after a month of running. I really need periods of quiet, so I can think, research and work. Research what? Whatever, doesn't matter what... it's whatever pops into my head. Could be about creation myths, or how to cook with sherry (I've been given two bottles of it, one for drinking and one for cooking... and I don't drink -that- much), or something related to current news or politics, or whatever. I like indulging myself in curiosities, I learn a lot and hence I have this vast weird pile of random info in my head of which you never know how it will come in useful.

So, it's time to get back to work.

For about a year now I've been working with digital imagery for prints. That got started because I was doing a round of interviews that were related to graphic design, and I needed to update that part of my portfolio. What it lead to was gilcee prints, and combining my drawing with textures and layers. It's interesting, this kind of work for me can be completed fast and gives some level of satisfaction. I'll continue with it, but it's more than time for me to get back into painting again.

I'm not as conceptual as many contemporary artists. I am an image and object maker. I want to make icons that can live in your home as well as in a gallery/temple/whatever. Something made by hand has more resonance and punch than any reproduction (and you have to see it in person, no digital photo of any art can match seeing it with your own eyes). The digital prints are good to work out ideas and get them across, and they can be more affordable to collectors. Nothing however to me can take the place of the one of a kind image.

So these next few weeks and months will be set for me to begin a new series. The painting detail is acrylic on canvas, just a thought really. It's a portrait of a gothy-punk girl, I'll post it in full when I update my website which will be soon. I'm going back to wood, and the size will be closer to 16 x 18 or 18 x 24. What the subject is you'll have to wait and see.

Ah well, here is Eumir Deodato, September 13

back from festival... and a sadness

Yes, yes I am. Thanks to Brandon for covering Columbus's Pride, very amusing.

So yeah... to say it has been an eventful week has been an understatement. This was not the post I intended it to be a week ago. I suppose, it would be best if I went in order of events. BTW this is my personal account, and more of a reader's digest. I'll wax more poetic when I do my official festival review on the Juggler.
The day before I was to head down I was packing and buying stuff (as one does when they intend to be in the woods for a week), my van decided not to start. An hour or so later AAA shows up and informs me my starter is probably going bad, and so the next morning was spent in the shop. Very not exciting, but I kind of like the car starting when I ask it to so it was a must. So 6 hours later than I had hoped I was finally on my way. 2 hours and in the middle of the heated day I arrive at Wisteria and set up camp in what folks now call OGC (maybe later I will inform you of what that means). Friends are rediscovered and all was well!
Until... I think I may have mentioned that my G-ma has been sick, well she died on Solstice morning. I get the news, and was told I didn't need to return right away as there wasn't much I could do. Memorial was set for that Friday in Sylvania Ohio (which is just outside of Toledo. For those of you keeping track Wisteria is south of Athens Ohio, which is at the other end of the state). So yeah, a little freak out was called for.

I gotta say though, if I had to find out this news anywhere, Wisteria is not a bad place to do so. I received a lot of support from my friends there (and a few acquaintances and strangers). I was given space when I needed it and company when I required it. Thanks to everyone who was there for me. I really mean that, ya'll make what happened a little easier to deal with.
On Thursday I pulled up camp and went back to Columbus, which is a 2 hr drive. I took the chance to shower and get clothes more suitable for a Christian church and drove the 2.5 hrs up to Sylvania to meet up with my family. The next day was the memorial, which was very nice. In the weeks leading up to my G-ma's death my mom and aunt took turns staying with her in the nursing home. To pass the time they wrote haikus to help express what they were seeing and feeling as the cancer took their mother away. Here's a few of them.

Liberated soul
United with the Great Source.
Eagle flaps her wings.

Earth tilts towards the Sun.
Liberated soul flies free.
Summer Solstice comes.

Life leaves us orphaned
if we stay disconnected.
Streams flow to the sea.

After the memorial, and a return trip to where my grandparents now rest, I returned home and slept.

There was some debate about me returning to Wisteria. There wasn't much I could do in Sylvania as my mom and her siblings worked out details of where to put my G-ma's stuff. I was tired at this point, because I had spent most of my time in 90+ degree heat with high humidity (this past week was a scorcher) and I was sporting a sweet trucker tan from all the driving. Plus there is no air conditioning in the van so once I am on the road I generally had been sweating like a horse. But I did go back, to process and to be among friends for the last night of the festival. Some of those folks I wouldn't see again for a long time, and besides, life is short, and my G-ma wouldn't want me to stop living mine for a second.

I got there in time to see this.

Yep! It's the Momentary Prophets! They had just started their set right as I rolled up to Caffinas. This song is the Fox Song, and they say this song wouldn't exist if not for me. Check out this previous blog post for the illustration that I did for them for fun that they turned in to a pretty groovy song. Thanks guys! It's like ice cream and a hug to me :) By the way, their new album Mandala is pretty rockin, you should buy it when it's available to be bought.

The night was spent at the drum circle, among friends. It kinda goes something like this:


So yeah. Eventful week, much of what I experienced will take time to process. I'm ok though, just tired. I took a lot of photos and videos for the event site, and most will be mixed and put on Wisteria's youtube channel. A few though I will put on mine, because I can, because I like them, so if you want go there and check it out. There's even one of me spinning fire for the Dragon Ritual Drummers. That was pretty cool I must say.

So, because she was completely awesome, here's a part of the obituary for my G-ma.
She had a biting wit, a great sense of humor, and she was pretty damn awesome I must say. She influenced me a lot, and I was lucky to have her.


Anne Retter Matthews, a member of the Greatest Generation, veteran of World War II, a retired registered nurse, a spirited intellectual, great wit and gifted seamstress, died peacefully on June 21, 2010 at the age of 88 in hospice care in Columbus, Ohio with her family at her side. She was born September 14, 1921 to Otto and Emily Retter, immigrants from Germany and Austria, in Buffalo, N.Y., the youngest of six children. She was preceded in death by her parents and brothers and sisters, including Herman, Alfred, Otto, Herta and Ilse. After graduating from high school in 1939, Anne attended nursing school at Buffalo General Hospital where she became a registered nurse. In 1942 she joined the U.S. Army Air Corps during World War II. At Bowman Air Field in Kentucky she met the love of her life, Earl Rodney Matthews, Jr., whose task was to teach Army nurses how to swim. They married on September 25, 1944 at the Little Church Around the Corner in New York City. As an Army Air Corps nurse, she served at a base on Long Island where she cared for casualties from the European theatre and once met Eleanor Roosevelt. After the war, the Matthews lived in Columbus, Ohio. before moving to Toledo in 1948. In 1954, they moved to Sylvania, where they raised their six children and lived the rest of their lives.

She worked as an RN at Toledo Hospital and later was assistant director of nursing at Lake Park Hospital in Sylvania. Following the death of her beloved husband in 1984, Anne continued living independently at her home of 45 years in Sylvania until March 2010 when she was diagnosed with cancer. She was a member of the Sylvania United Church of Christ for 56 years, a member of the Ladies Literary Society, and the Book Club. She had a keen wit, loved classical music, and was an avid reader of histories, biographies and mysteries. Anne was a gifted quilter, seamstress and gardener and for many years contributed her work to the Sylvania UCC church bazaar. She is survived by her six children, numerous nieces and nephews, 15 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren

The family wishes to express its deep appreciation to HomeReach Hospice and Kobacker House of Columbus and the caregivers who assisted in the last weeks of her life. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions in Anne Matthews’ name may be made to Hospice, the American Cancer Society or the United Church of Christ of Sylvania, Ohio.