Happy Holidays everyone!

Well yesterday (or last night/this morning) was the Winter Solstice here in the northern hemisphere. For me, this particular holiday is one of stillness and transition process to the new year. Everyone's running around, preparing to be visited by or to visit relatives, most people are fussing over buying gifts and decorating and runrunrun...

What I prefer to do is wait for the full moon, and on a clear night I'll take a walk to where there isn't anyone around, by a body of water preferably. I'll listen then... sometimes I just hear myself breathing, and the snow underneath my feet. I may hear wild geese calling to each other, or the wind. I have a little moment of zen, and I admit I may talk to myself (or whatever may be listening). If you never go outside, especially at night, I highly suggest taking on a little adventure like this.

But then, maybe that's just how I roll.

So, I hope this holiday season, whatever you celebrate or if you choose not to do anything at all, is blessed and that you are with the ones you love.

Here's 'Snow', by Loreena McKennitt

Fun Links

I feel like I haven't seen the sun in weeks. I'm just waiting for Solstice (Dec. 21) to be over and done with so when I get out of work the sun is actually above the horizon. I've been staying in, mostly to save money, but also to catch up on my reading. Currently I'm reading a book about alien animals, the authors clearly believe in their existence. I'm more curious about the folk lore aspects... I'd say to anyone who has seen or believes such creatures exist... well I believe that you believe that. :) But still, I find the whole idea of ghost animals, or undiscovered creatures very interesting, and how people react to, or validate, or write off the existence. It's more about the process than the proof for me.

Anyway, on to the fun links!

First off, self promotion!
I've updated some stuff on my Etsy store, so if you like shirts and prints, go check that out. Also, if you're in Second Life, I've got a new little gallery thanks to Manx. If you're in world, say hello. My name is Emilie Cryotank.


I find this woman hilarious. I almost envy being able to get so emotional at movies. But no, I'm more likely to analyze the whole damn thing to death.

Check out this blog jwz it's a good source of consistent awesome.

This was found on the Columbus Underground (check it out if you're local)


And this is what I've been listening to lately:


Have a good week!

Chill McGrill

Well, since I last posted Thanksgiving here in America has come and gone. I hope yours was festive (if that was a holiday you celebrated, if not happy 4th Thursday of November).

Well, we’ve reached that null time. Leaves are gone from the trees, light here in the northern hemisphere is thin and pale even in full daylight, & the moon rises high in the night sky plus the constellation Orion is out. As a kid I was very into astronomy, and identifying constellations, but for some reason the winter ones are what I know best, I have difficulty with the summer ones… and Orion is my favorite. If you want to look for him, in the Northern Hemisphere look to the south, identify the three stars in a row that make up his belt, find the ‘box’ of stars around them, and you’ll have the basics for Orion. Look for a bright star east of him, that’s Sirius, the dog star who follows him across the night sky. Look south of the middle star in his belt and you’ll find three fainter stars that make up his sword/dagger, the one in the middle is the Orion nebula, where baby stars are being formed. So yah, pretty groovy.


click here for more info

So yah, in some other bits of randomness that I find interesting... if you are interested in European acheology you might dig this article from the NY times about new finds from lesser known pre-Christian cultures dating way before 5000 B.C.E.; & here's another interesting bit making the blog rounds. John Michael Greer, the Grand Archdruid of the Ancient Order of Druids in America (AODA) is getting attention from, several places I read for one his recent post titled 'Lies and Statistics', regarding how we view energy/production in relation to the GDP, and how the current model we uses fails us. So yeah, if you're interested in this train of thought you may want to give his book a read. I'll be slapping that on my to-do list.

For myself, I've been reading quite a bit. I just got a hold of Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth on DVD and I'll start watching that tonight (it's been a while since I've really delved into his writing and I tend to be more of an audio learner, so this will be good times). I really need to remember to sit down and write down my thoughts... but I keep forgetting to because I put it off. New habits can be hard to start if you procrastinate eh?

Ah well, only way to go is forward!

Song today by Vitalic, Song: Still, from the album Flashmob

Blogs are just verbal masturbation

HAha! So why keep one?

(we've reached one of those hours where my internal dialog is running rampant, and today I invite you to come along.)

Most people don't have much interesting to talk about. Most subjects are boring... most blogs seem to be about -feelings- and most people don't know how to really write about what inside them, or outside them... I generally don't read blogs with personal experiences or internal dialog. I tend to read stuff that passes on information, or stuff that makes me laugh or makes me think.

So, of course I'm going to write about me, experiences, feelings. Yes I am that narcissistic... or really it has (almost) nothing to do with that. If I don't write any of this down, nobody else will. A man I knew once comes to mind as I get into this blogging bit again. Easily one of the top ten most interesting people I have ever met, he kept an online diary he started back in the late ninety's, and continued to write about his life till his accidental death in July of 05. The public online diary is gone unfortunately (EDIT: Thank goodness for web archives), but I managed to dig up this quote:

"I look at this place as a scrapbook / journal. A digital version of the paper ones I've kept my entire life. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't read any more into it than necessary. And in a morbid way, a record of my predilections that will hopefully live on after I die, on some server, somewhere. Grandiose? Maybe. Maybe I just have the balls to admit it. Maybe one day, in the year 2201, a relation of mine will see these zeros and ones, and say, "Damn, he had fun." That is, if we don't annihilate one and other."

"Maybe I'll inspire you to be exactly who you want to be. Maybe you'll call me a fool."

I wouldn't call us close friends. We chatted online, I got to meet him in Denver, and we spoke on the phone a few. But interesting, interesting in a way few people are. Passionate, & himself always without apology, and for me an inspiration still. I still think about you Keith Alexander, and I wish you were here.

AH great now I'm all fucking emotional and I forgot what I was going to talk about.

-goes gets coffee-
-comes back-

ok now I remember.

So I was thinking about what to include here. I love to document things, take pictures, make notes (often indecipherable if I hand write them), and draw. It's part of how I express, how I think. Everything I make is part of a history, mine, someone I know, or linked to some historical fact. The confusing part (or the part where it's about to get confusing) is much of what comes to me is internal, stuff that comes without words. I was thinking about fleshing out a bit of a biography, so much of who we become is made up of how we start out as kids, and the experiences we had. Much of my childhood was spent in a severe depression, and from what I remember I didn't talk much. I didn't know how to say or make people understand what was going on with me or how to control the anger I had (which is where I think it came from, unexpressed anger when not dealth with turns inward and can become depression). Because of that I became expressive in other ways... so much of how I think is... color, or sound, or feeling, or something that I lack a narrative language for. It may be linked to that thing people call a learning disability (which just means I process info differently than most other folks do). But life growing up wasn't all black clouds, there were other experiences with nature... well, mostly with nature, and having one or two teachers that didn't see me as lazy or weird (I know what they thought because my mom kept all the records that teachers noted about me from kindergarten through 6th grade. It's interesting to see what people assume about you without really knowing you based off of a diagnosis). I'm thinking if this art crap works out, this would be good stuff to know. So maybe later I'll stick that in here somewhere.

HAH this blog is left to the whim of my fancy! More about work and such in the future (because you can just scroll down if you want to see the past)

Music this time around is by E.S. Posthumus. Song- Arise

Kind of an FAQ...

Most common question I get is 'Who are those people in your paintings?'. I generally give a quick answer 'they aren't anyone, I make them up'. That is both true and not true. N' so I better give a more fleshed out answer for the folks who want to know.

Yes, most of the people in my work do not exist. I don't use models, the type of technique I've been developing requires I know & understand anatomy, and I will pull references when I need to... but I don't have people pose for me. There are times when I do paint from life, and those paintings are titled with the individuals name.

So where does it come from? The ideas for my paintings come from stories (my own or inspired by others I've met), mythology, and some deep whatever that regurgitates out of me from time to time (generally emotional or a reaction to something I've seen or read, but not always). Probably the best way to explain how this works is to go into detail about one of the paintings I've done, and the best one I think to tell that story is Callisto.

This was originally inspired by the painting by Francois Boucher "Jupiter In the Guise of Diana and the Nymph Callisto," (1759). For those unfamiliar with the story, click here. Basically Zeus seduces her in the guise of the Goddess she served & loved (Artemis/Diana), who gets pissed off & blames her for what happened and casts her away. Depending on which story you read, either Diana turns Callisto into a bear, or Zeus does to hide what he did from his wife. At some point she gives birth to a son, & it's either he who later tries to kill her when Callisto attacks him out of revenge for what was done to her, or Diana does. Zeus in order to avert tragedy puts Callisto and her son in the sky as Ursa Major and Minor, AKA the big and little dipper.

So, in my painting we have Callisto (note she's in somewhat the same position as Ursa Major) laying on a blanket (the blue and white of the blanket are supposed to be reminiscent of Boucher's painting). Because I painted her from above, she looks suspended. The peach she's holding is a reference to a romantic devotion to the divine feminine, and I used 'hot' colors to indicate arousal. I got inspired to create the pattern around her from looking at photographs of trees in sunlight and the shadows they form on the ground. She's curvy, because I wanted to paint a curvy nude, and I also wanted to include pubic hair because I don't see female pubic hair in art very often. So here, Callisto is reclaiming her own sexuality apart from anyone or anything else, by being her own raw naked self.

Or that's the general idea anyway. Part of this came from many conversations I've had with women growing up with negative self images of themselves (a common conversation brought up over and over again). I've learned a while back that people identify with the images they see, often they identify with the subject either as part something they are, or as a part of the story or experience of someone they may know or identify with. A big part of what influences me are icons, especially medieval icons, frescoes, & tapestries. They capture a whole idea, story, emotional play in a single image. This relates directly to how I think and approach image making. My work is a snapshot of part of a story that you'll never be told... they relate to archetypes, in a way. I get asked, 'Are these self portraits?'. On the surface no, but in a way they are perhaps indirectly. Bus Stop Waiting relates to a trip I took when I was 19, and was painted at a period in my life where I was quasi-homeless. The girl isn't supposed to be me, but the emotions are. Girl in Tall Grass is about a memory of fields in Ohio I wandered through when I was young. The red bird indicates change (menstruation, growing up), and there's more symbolism, but I don't want to go too much into it. I really would rather the viewer come up with their own symbolism in relation to the painting. While I may have abstract reasons (be they personal or historical) into why I created the image, I know full well the viewer may not have the same knowledge or experience, and that's ok. It's not required.

The book I'm working on is a slight departure from the figurative work I've done in the past, sorta. I can't help but be literal, it's also in how I think and relate. But yeah, things are coming along, and I'll write more about that later.

So for this round, here's something I've been listening to lately. Song: Alive! Band: Omina

slight irritation

Well in the past week or so I've been thinking of talking about meditation, or something equally wise-ish & profound-ish. I've been thinking about discussing how I was introduced to meditation techniques when I was 16, and how it's been a useful and important practice for me, allowing me to learn about myself and deal with my problems (and I'll say at this point I've had large gaps, that I have not been steady in my practice, and how and what I do has changed and modified over time). But I think I'll save all that for later.

Nah, tonight I've been thinking about the important of romantic relationships, and if they are really as good and as wonderful as people say. But then I wonder if that's too personal? It's not anyone's business what my personal life is unless I choose to share it with you. I could talk about how I've been more single than not, and how tonight I am thinking... that this is not a bad thing. I don't need anyone to complete me, or tell me I am special or worthy of... whatever. I'm fine, really fine, all on my own. Perhaps even better in fact, I have nobody to answer to, nobody to take care of, nobody that has to rely on me for anything. There is peace here and comfort in that there is no fighting, no drama, no worry, no stress. But that's probably saying to much, and who really cares about people's personal shit anyway? It's just gossip and bull.

I could talk about how I have a few kind hearted but invasive individuals that, while they mean well... I'd rather they leave well enough alone and let me tend to my own business. But again, too personal.

What I can say is I've been working on the concept of the book, and I think I have a better understanding of what I need to do... but I don't want to give you too many details about that because I don't want to blow my wad too soon.

Ah well. The leaves are nearly gone here, and fall is stripped bare. Weather has been unseasonably warm, and there is a lot of dead deer on the side of the road. I feel like I'm waiting for something, but I think that's more just me wishing for some excitement that's not really going to show up unless I do something.

I don't think I'm willing to change the status-quo... not yet.

Festivus!

This past week has been busy. The Halloween/Samhain season is always chock full of parties, social activities, and for me personally, quiet contemplation. For you folks in America it's time to set your clocks back as daylight dwindles. The leaves on the weeping cherry are just about fallen, and huzzah fall is in full swing.

I find things in life have a rhythm. I also notice that people panic when they think they're supposed to be doing something else instead of listening to the rhythm. Like my friend who freaks out because they are no longer involved in a relationship & feels that they must move on right now. If there's no person in their life, there is something wrong... or another who has reached a certain age and worries that they're not where they're supposed to be in life (not married, their career hasn't developed the way they expected, or their life just has not gone as planned). It's taken me longer than I would have wished, but I realize that things happen when they happen. Relax and just move forward and don't worry what others think or listen to what others say about what you should be or shouldn't be. Being yourself (and yourself truly without pushing your shit onto others) is really the only way to be happy, I find.

I had a dream about a little girl who had a talent, but her mother sent her to a surgeon to make her beautiful instead. She sat in a dentist chair, white medical tape on her forehead, cheeks, and chin to pull her skin back. Mother was at her ear telling her who she should be and what to think. I was thinking about how so many children get lost this way. Parents want their kids to be happy, and they do the best they can, but still, it's amazing what fear can make a person do.

What I wonder is if this has any relation to the preliminary work I'm doing for the book. People who are not really all that interested in that foo-foo pagan new agey stuff still relate to totems. Logos, team mascots, 'power colors', and the like have a psychological effect on us. We may choose a favorite animal as a child because we like how they look and what they can do. Perhaps subconsciously we want to be like them, to run, or fly, or fight, or to know what they know. From what I noticed this is less talked or thought about but changes little as an adult. We still align ourselves with things we want to manifest, only now in our consumer driven culture we focus on brand names, video game characters, and other icons linked to products and entertainment. The need is still there, but instead of exploring ideas and concepts that are truly outside ourselves we are attaching ourselves to concepts and ideas conceived of by another individual or group, and they often have a manipulative agenda to have us buy into their product or service line.

I am wondering how this affects our base spirituality. Providing products and services isn't wrong, we need each other to specialise, one person can't make everything that each individual needs to survive as a collective whole, it's not how our species works. But can't we go to far? Get lost in what is really important?

So anyway, I wonder how this relates to the concepts of demons, and fear. Studies show that people are more isolated, and have less close friends than they did when I was a kid. The way people communicate now is less personal, more surface information. My friend was trying online dating for a while and found most of the men preferred to talk via text. While they were very chatty with that form of communication, they were monosyllabic, stilted, and uncomfortable. I know that's not true for everyone, but it seems to me a growing trend. How does this relate to folklore, and fear? I'm trying to find a relationship. People fear what is unknown to them, and if there's a growing trend of people not connecting and fearing close personal interaction then I personally think this is what may be leading to why eating disorders, depression, and others mental disorders are on the rise.

The arts is the only gateway I know to lead people outside of themselves. So back to folklore. Stories is how people illustrate the relationships between ourselves and the rest of the world. Even if the story is about mathematics or quantum physics, it's still a story. As I write I'll work to illustrate the relationships of archetype, and uncover how the relationship or lack there of manifests in how we connect and relate to ourselves and each other.

Does this make sense? Heh, does it matter? ... probably not yet.

So from Ethopia, here's Getatchew Mekuria & The Ex & Guests, song Tezalegn Yetentu

What's Next?

So I'm making a book.

This has been in the planning/brain cookin' stage for a while now. Basically, here's the plan; This will contain 30 images, & once complete I'll publish to LuLu, which will distribute to Amazon, and through that, the whole world. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Yah! It'll be sweet!
Now to make it...

I've been moving in a different direction artistically. This next series will be as much about the method of creation as the work itself will be for me. All will start as a drawing, that I will digitally manipulate. The purpose of this will be for control, and because I may produce these as prints after the fact... and the imagery will work better in this kind of format. The source of these images will be from visions from meditation and alligorical stories from my memory, and/or both. That's the rub, I've never done a body of work based off of my personal mythology. I think it will make for some interesting viewing. Also I find that if it's something that I'm hesitant to do, then I should probably go do it.

To give you an idea of what you may expect, this print is a precursor to what's coming next. The symbols in the print (titled Kingsnake, 18" x 24") are alchmey based. The snake, the egg, and the young woman (virgin) represent fertility, new beginings, and the snake crowned in the Oborous (tail biting) position speak of rebirth... and maybe some other things that I just don't want to tell you because if I did... well that would be too easy. I prefer the folks who view my work to come up with their own definitions.

Yeah, I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to obscure symbols, that's the other advantage of the book format, I can write a blurb or prose to illumiate the subject for the viewer. In the next few weeks/months from time to time I'll preview parts of what I'm working on, & you're welcome to give feedback of course.

This is going to be my main focus, and I don't plan on having any other shows at this time so I can just work on this. But stuff comes up, and of course I'll tell you about it if it does.

Until next time, here's Billy Bragg & Wilco

Fun Links!

I apparently have the gift of finding strange things. When that happens (and I'm to tired to pull anything out of my ass), I'll present to you Fun Links (previously called PMG Fun Links. © er... me, um around this time).

yeah.

Anyway. 1st off, check out some Kachi Kachi Yama animation:

More at Dangerous Minds

Next, this one has been around for a minute, but tis the season!


And one more, a favorite of mine:


That's all I got time for, enjoy!

Wisteria

Well I've returned from the woods.
I guess first though I should explain a lil' about where I was. Wisteria is a privately owned event site and nature preserve. There are several events held through out the year, and people come and camp and reconnect with nature & perhaps themselves. There are several places like this in the United States, but if you don't know where to look they can be difficult to locate. Advertisement is not widespread, and that's probably not such a terrible thing. The type of folks who visit places like this tend to be environmentalists, earth-spiritualists, and just about every age, level of education, and income level you can imagine. It has several spiritual sites, mounds, stone circles, a space for sweat lodges, and spaces for drum circles; as well as paths through the woods that are a little more wild than most people are used to. I've only started camping here again in the past couple years. Coming to places like this for some reason helps me re-wire a little bit, and I've needed it.

This past weekend was pretty short insofar as the time I generally spend there (which tends to be more in a 4-7 day stint vs 2.5 days). I arrive late Friday afternoon. The kitchen (Caffina's) was serving dinner, and most everyone was in good spirits bundled up against the cold. Oh the weather, it stayed in the 40's high, 32 low, and spotty misty rain. The highs were running 20 degrees colder than normal, but who lets the weather stop them from a good time? Anyway, I find a spot and pitch a tent for my friends who were coming (I stayed in my old geriatric van), and huzza the weekend began.

I guess a blow-by-blow isn't necessary. I generally camp alone, and bounce around hanging out with people I know and meeting people I don't (the advantage of not being rooted in any one place). Since the weekend was so short I spent most of it alone. Highlights were walking around in the woods & nearly getting caught in the dark without a flash light... interesting because the paths there are a little overgrown and in the deep twilight of an overcast evening with no moon in the sky it gets a wee dark. I highly recommend the experience (be safe though, bring a flashlight and know where you're going).

Generally there are no animals on site, but this time around Natural Freedom LLC brought a few horses for a workshop. I didn't attend the workshop itself, but I did stop by. When I was younger I had lessons in english style riding, & the last time I had spent any time with horses was when I lived in Colorado. These were extremely friendly and social animals, pactictulary the female Angel. You can see in the photo her pressing her muzzle to my head, which she did for at least half a minute. Very surprising, I've never seen a horse do this.

There was also the pig roast (very tasty pig), and the ceramic pit firing that happens every year. I didn't take part in the firing aside from hanging out by the fire (which gets about 6 feet tall roughly), listening to drumming and just talking to people. It was nice. On the last day I grabbed some folks and took a walk to the Fairy Shrine, which is a kind of land based... instlation for lack of a better term. People come and leave items for the land spirits, and whether you believe in that or not, it's a nice spot to visit.

So yeah, as bad as the weather sounds, it wasn't horrible. I find that these places give you what you put into it. If you choose to focus on the negative, without and within, that's what you'll get back. If you don't participate, people will leave you alone. But, if you engage the enviornment it will give you back what you need (not necessarily what you want, but what we want isn't always what we should get).
This is the last festival of the year, but if this is the kind of space that interests you I highly suggest coming next year.

More of my photos of Wisteria can be seen here

That's all for now.

This and That

I host figure drawing sessions at Wild Goose Creative every second and fourth Tuesday of the month. This past session someone asked if they can bring beer, and I don't see a reason why not (I had never thought about it before). It's fine with me just so long as people don't come or get drunk and/or disruptive. Also if people want to make an evening of it they can stop by Rhumba Cafe afterwards and listen to some live music. They seem to have jazz on Tuesdays (and I love me some jazz!). If you want to come, I post a schedule on my website or you can join my group on Facebook. It's from 6-8, and cost 7 dollars to help pay for the model.

In other news I'm pretty busy this week preparing for Wisteria's Autumn Fires. I'll be down there for the weekend. Weather report says it's going to be close to freezing at night, and raining much of the time. I'll be camping in my van (I'm not the golden girl of roughing it). The site features showers and has an outdoor kitchen but there's no lodge or indoor space, so it's bundling up, staying by fires, & bringing a lot of blankets. Sounds like murder, but the leaves are turning now, and the ceramic pit firings, music concerts, and hanging out with new and old friends is not something to be missed & worth braving cold and wet. Photos and maybe a few stories will be forthcoming.

I probably won't be able to post again till I come back, so in the meantime here is The Eden House

Wha? Blog what?

Back in the mid to late 90's I used to 'blog' a lot. I never called it that, I don't believe that word was in the general public lexicon back then. But I did, and I was very prolific. A part of it exists still on http://iam.bmezine.com (don't bother, unless you're a member you can't get in). Around 02-03 about the time I moved to Colorado I gradually stopped posting so much. You know, life happens... I have gone back into it occasionally. Every damn social media site offers a blog, & I just don't feel like cutting and pasting all over the place, so the purpose of this is to consolidate, and I need to get into the practice of regular journaling.

I tend to take a conversational tone. Imagine you and I are sitting in some cozy coffee shop, and I'm telling you a story, or ranting about something I heard, or saw. Generally that's how I tend to write. Like my art, I get personal. Oh, I'm not going to tell you about the date I had last night or anything I'd consider to be terribly private, and I don't want to give you some emotional drivel that will make you claw your eyes out afterwards asking 'whyyyyyyOHGODWHYYYYY!!!!'. But it's going to get personal. I wish I was one of those objective people that can make art in a scientific detached kind of way so I would not have to second guess; 'is this really a good idea?!'... but I find doing it that way to be boring honestly.

And who wants that?

By the way, that's why I call this a diary, it's more in the vein that I approach these things. Oh, and about the name (someone asked me what it meant, so I feel obliged to explain). Whetstone, is one of the old names for the Olentangy River which flows through Worthington Ohio, my home town (pronounced Ole-n-tan-gy, not Old-and-tangy). I've traveled a bit and lived elsewhere, but (a bit to my own annoyance) this is where I seem to always return to. The river is not impressive by most people's standards. In fact most people don't seem to be impressed by the geography of this area of the world at all. No mountains, no grand rivers, very few caves and very small hills (if there are any hills at all). But I've spent some significant moments around that body of water, and I think it's indicitive of the area. It's not obvious, you have to look carefully, get in it, and pay attention, to see it's beauty and find it's secrets.

Also, a whetstone is a flat stone used to sharpen tools, especially knives.

Sometimes I find obscure or rarely used words to name my work, because I don't want to just -hand it to you-. Maybe I should, people expect things to be so easy (just give me what I want, right now), but if everything was easy, we wouldn't learn anything. If there is a deep meaning behind the name I don't suppose I'd tell you, but really it's just a name that works for me.

If you want to know more about me, a proper introduction would be to go visit my website, the rest you'll find out as I go.

1st entry.

I know, very exciting to have yet another blog. I'm excited for you.

So what's the point? I want to chronicle the things I find interesting. Much of this will be regarding art and/or art-related, but some of it won't.

We shall see what happens next as I get this set up.

So yay, let's kick this pig!